I'm not who I was.
Half a decade.
It was five years ago today that the Rev and I were a bundle of nerves, on our way to meet our precious son. Meeting a new child is full of prickly anticipation, whether pregnant in the womb or on paper. Really, having a biological child provides no fewer unknowns, but we have given ourselves an illusion of control when shared blood is involved that cannot be feigned where it’s not. Meanwhile, we had an appointment to keep and we were stuck in Titans football traffic. I texted a prayer-warrior friend of mine to pray, at which point God graciously created a path in the traffic bearing a resemblance to the parting of the Red Sea.
Upon entering the NICU pod, there were sights of several other tiny baby-warriors surrounded by family: their spaces thoughtfully decorated with tokens of love and well-wishes. There Canaan lay in his bare bassinet, facing the blank wall which he had known as his primary companion for the past 24 days. Our hearts swelled with emotion the moment we laid eyes on him. Love at first sight overwhelmed us with so much: joy and fulfillment for being united with our son, a sense of loss for what we and he had missed so far, and even some sorrow mingled in for these families who were about to watch us leave with our baby while they had to stay with theirs. Yet our hearts were gushing over in an inexpressible way for our bundle who had eaten his way up to a whopping 5lbs. 7oz (up from 3.11), learned to breathe on his own, and was ready to go home with his forever family quite a bit earlier than anyone had expected. It’s funny how a frame so scrawny can be fitted with such juicy cheeks, of which some of my side of the family maintains even into adulthood. I remember this moment in shades of beige. The wall, the lighting, and even his pajamas seemed metaphoric of his life in neutral, save one pop of brightness in his bassinet where his footprints resided as if to foreshadow, “You’re going places.”
This boy. Although I’ve tried to offer some words, there really aren’t any adequate enough to express the wonder, awe, and humble gratitude of how God chose us for each other. We have a bond grafted into our hearts that I just can’t explain. He flooded us with an aspect of love we had never known before, and he flat swept us away.
Our little man has come so far, and he sure does love going places! What a precious gift he is to us all.