I'm not who I was.
Insomniacs roll call:
After what seemed like an allergic reaction to our last try at sleep medicine (you know, complete with facial tingling, tongue swelling, choking and gasping for breath), my doctor suggested I just give melatonin a try again since it has been a long time since I’ve tried it and there’s really nothing else I can take in that department per the whole “first do no harm” thing…
… it’s after 3am so you can see how that’s going. I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t stay asleep, so waves to my fellow commiserators.
(I’m not sure if “commiserators” is an actual word. But really, anything can be an actual word at 3am. Because I’m awake and I say so.)
I’m pretty much awake because, well, that’s how my body is… I’m almost always awake when I shouldn’t be and sleepy when I shouldn’t be. And that’s no shocker. (And this is not a cry for sympathy. It’s just a statement of facts.)
Really, this post isn’t about my personal sleeplessness. That’s just my segue. (Segue as in a transitional tool, not Segway as in the 2-wheeled motorized thing).
There are many whose sleeplessness stems from something far more troubling.
I have a lot of friends who are hurting right now.
There is always someone whose heart is hurting, but sometimes it seems as though the fallen world pours out burdens in burnt up batches. I really can’t begin to touch it all with my words… I’m actually pretty terrible at saying the right thing per my whole open-mouth-insert-food syndrome of awkwardness.
But as I’m awake and praying for those who come to mind, I can’t get this image out of my head:
The other day, Cheeks, our adorable 3 year old bundle of a blessing, was sitting in my lap.
Cheeks: “Where’s God?”
Me:”God is omnipresent, which means he can be everywhere at the same time. So he’s right here, and he has a special home in heaven, and for those who trust Jesus as their boss and for saving and forgiving them, he has a special home in their hearts.”
(Yes, I did just use the vocabulary “omnipresent” with my 3 year old… if you’ve spent any time around our 8 year old talking dictionary, you know that’s how we roll).
Cheeks: “I can’t see him. I need him.”
You bet you do, little buddy. I can’t think of any more solid theology than simply “I need Him.”
On the brightest days when his presence is clearer than crystal and in the middle of the darkest nights when we can’t see a centimeter in front of our faces, we need Him.
So, for my fellow insomniacs, or for those who will see this in the morning…
here is one of my favorite “lullabies” for when I need Him… when you need a reason to sing…
so crawl up in your Father’s lap, tell Him you need Him, and give a listen…