I'm not who I was.
It’s 3am. I’ve been up for awhile.
As can be typical with my neurological issues, I woke up at an inapropriate place in my sleep cycle thus resulting in jitters and dizziness for awhile.
Presently, as can be typical with digestive sensitivities, I’m also in quite a bit of discomfort and feel ill.
There is a known culprit for the latter : pizza.
Once upon a time, pizza was on the “nearly untouchable” list for me, along with other fabulous edible inventions… like caffeine. After depriving myself for awhile and then trying it out again, it seemed as though I could tolerate such things in occasional doses. Take the caffeine for example. I could partake in a sweet tea with peach at Sonic’s happy hour every Wednesday with only minor discomfort which I considered to be “worth it”. As long as I didn’t ingest other sources of caffeine, things wouldn’t get too ugly.
And it was the same with pizza.
A week ago I discovered that thee peach sweet tea was being less friendly, even with only having sipped about a fourth of a small size beverage. I suppose my digestion on a whole is back to putting up a fight.
Sometimes, especially in the wee hours of the morning, I dramatically whine (silently, since the rest of the home occupants are asleep) WHY MUST MY BODY REBEL AGAINST ME?! I may even writhe. It is TOTALLY possible to writhe silently.
I have limitations on eating. I don’t tolerate much medicine. I could elongate the list but let’s be honest: that’s irritating.
THEN I HAD AN EPIPHANY.
My body isn’t rebelling.
My body is simply responding to what is put into it… at least when it comes to ingested nuances. It was designed in a particular way and to treat it differently is harmful.
I’m the one that feels as though I am entitled to certain pleasures that I’m not really entitled to at all… I’m just spoiled.
I suppose I should be thankful that my body is honest with me. Rather than deceiving me into tolerating certain things that are not ok and acting as though they are, it straight up tells me: this is POISON for you.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about a young woman who tragically passed away unexpectedly of a brain bleed due to a commonly prescribed medication. Another day I had been reading a blog post by someone who is gluten intolerant and had not been absorbing nutrients as a result.
If you don’t know what’s broken, you can’t fix it.
Ignorance is not always bliss.
Now, most of my health “issues” are not the result of voluntary actions. Sometimes the rain falls on the just & the unjust. But pizza: that’s totally voluntary. There are times in which there is no one to blame but myself, and I often don’t even recognize it.
Perhaps rather than deferring the blame from my own rebellion onto the consequences of my discomfort, I shouldbe grateful that my body is letting me know it’s in trouble before things get too out of hand. Perhaps I should just stop feeding my body poison.
What a novel idea.
Who wants a smoothie?